Today I’ve had my hair pulled, my nose tweaked, my spots jabbed at, and my boobs prodded. I’ve been handed bogies, pants full of poo, dirty tissues and bits of fried egg that are deemed yucky. I haven’t been given the option of having the bathroom to myself when showering or going to the loo, and if I’ve sat down, I’ve had a toddler climb on my lap within a matter of nano-seconds.

As a mum, I’m used to constant invasions on my personal space. But as the twins grow older, I’m finding that I’m not only having to police my own space, I’m responsible for looking after their space, too.

The twins have never been keen on sharing their physical space with each other. They’re not siblings who like to cuddle up, or hold each other’s hand for comfort. I can’t imagine ever finding them asleep together. They will hold hands on rare occasions, but only if prompted, and it’s more likely to end in dispute than harmony. As soon as she was old enough to make herself understood, Ez made it abundantly clear that she did not want Fonz to come into her personal space. Before she could speak, she’d even growl every time Fonz got too close. And she’s been fiercely protective of it ever since.

This territorial stance of hers has gradually become less aggressive, and more anxiety-laden. Ez is a toddler with the capacity to focus, and will sit for a long time playing with a single thing. She loves puzzles, drawing, and generally things that require sustained attention. Fonz is the opposite. He’s bursting with energy, always looking for the next distraction. The next bit of fun that will occupy him for a minute, and that fun is often to be found in winding his sister up by disrupting her play. The consequence is that if Ez is playing alone and senses Fonz even start to move in her direction, she panics, tenses up and braces herself to defend her belongings.

But there are other, more intimate boundaries that need to be learned. Where they used to be curious about seeing the contents of each other’s nappies (I kid you not), they are now suddenly protective, and don’t want the other to see. They want to watch the other on the toilet, but frequently their sibling objects, strongly. I intend for them to share a bath for many years to come, but they need to respect each other’s boundaries.

The lesson about respecting each other’s space, physically and mentally, is ongoing. I have explained so many times that they own their body, and if they don’t want to be touched, then that’s their choice, and so now I hear Ez saying to Fonz, “No, Fonz. That’s MY body. No touch me.” But still, for two children who have never known life without the other, it’s a hard concept for them to grasp. Now that they are in toddler beds, rather than cots, we have had to teach Fonz that he can’t just climb in with Ez when he wakes up, because it upsets her. That’s her space, and he needs to respect it.

So there are two areas to tackle: their personal belongings, and their physical boundaries. The first is, I think, the easier of the two. My friend, Emily at Mummy Limited, told me that when another child is coming over to play, she gives her son the opportunity to put his most favourite toys away somewhere safe. I think I could create a ‘safe box’ for each of the twins, where they can keep their most precious belongings, and which is definitely out-of-bounds for their sibling.

Policing their physical space is a little harder, but I think it’s about being consistent, and constantly reiterating the need to respect each other. I have a feeling ‘respect’ is going to be a word that’s used a lot over the coming months.

If you have any other words of wisdom, please do share them in the comments below!