Twin highs and lows

Interaction. It’s the light at the end of the tunnel. It’s the reward for all the sleepless nights, and the stress and pain of the first year. It’s that harmony you’re aways striving for. It’s a response to that standard twin comment,  “Aw, how nice they’ve got each other to play with.”

My two have not really shown a strong bond so far. For months they just ignored each other. They didn’t get upset if the other cried, they didn’t really wake each other up. From around nine months onwards they’ve sort of got on, but generally only if there’s a physical barrier between them like the cot bars or a stair gate. Then they think the other one’s hilarious (passing toys etc through the bars is an endless source of fun and entertainment).

But outside those situations they’re chalk and cheese. Fonz loves rough and tumble, Ez doesn’t like others invading her space and is quite considered. Fonz likes making mess and noise, Ez likes to quietly tidy. They mainly try to avoid each other, and when they don’t, tussles usually occur. Now they’re getting older (17 months now), their level of interaction and awareness of each other is naturally increasing. And we get highs and lows…

The highs
Lots of laughter, one bringing a toy or comforter if the other is upset, handing each other their shoes or coat, working together to corner the cat, cuddles, kisses, first thing in the morning smiles, playing peek-a-boo, stroking each other’s hair,  feeding each other at the table, sharing their drinks, pushing each other along in the walker, repeating sounds (mostly blowing raspberries) back to each other.

The lows
Biting, hitting, grabbing, pushing, eye gouging, hair pulling, growling and roaring if the other comes too close, simultaneously demanding my attention, stealing each other’s toys, swiping the other’s food, rugby tackling (Fonz to Ez).

At the moment the lows probably outnumber the highs in frequency, but the highs definitely cancel out the lows. Watching them communicate and play together never fails to bring a lump to my throat and a smile to my face.

12 comments to Twin highs and lows

  • [...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Helen Grounds, Heather Young. Heather Young said: Is a twin a readymade playmate, or a sparring partner? New post at Young & Younger [...]

  • Hello! Everything you describe are true Boy and Girl type behaviors – boys do prefer rough and tumble and girls are all neatness! I still at nearly 21 months get lots of lows with my twins mostly rugby type scrums and am seriously considering boarding school for them in separate counties….didn’t think like that when I only had the solo girl!!! for those of you reading this comment and don’t know me, I am only joking

    • Young Mummy

      Your comments always make me laugh! They are definitely typical girl and boy. Just wish they’d scrap less! The constant refereeing is so tiring..

  • Mine scrap constantly too. Now they’re older I do a lot less refereeing and let them just beat the crap out of each other. That too is a joke. Ish.

    • Young Mummy

      I’m sure it will get easier. It will be good when I can get their version of what’s happened rather than just being faced with two hysterically screaming children!

  • Those photos are so brilliant! I have friends with twins & others do assume twins are great buddies all the time & then when they see fights like that one above they can recoil in horror. I bet in the long term even the low points now will define a bond between them which many will envy.

    MD xx

    • Young Mummy

      Yes, the bond they will have will be incredible, I’m sure. They’ve spent so little time apart so I think that strong bond is already there, they’re just not aware of it yet.

  • Kat

    This is really common for two children of this age when they still play in parallel. Kids develop at different rates and will want to play in different ways to each other. Main difference is most don’t have a constant companion of the same age whose interests are not always compatible. Personally I’d steer clear of the gender classification of the behaviour (all kids are different and all can express these behaviours depending on the child) and keep thinking of them as individuals. Like everything, this too will pass xx

    • Young Mummy

      I can always rely on you to offer sound, sensible advice – thanks. They are such strong individuals and that’s why they clash – and as difficult as it is to manage, I’m glad that they have such different personalities.

  • I love it! Tough Cookie went to “kiss” The Princess the other day and I held my breath, waiting for the inevitable shrieks and crying (when someone’s hair got pulled or eye gouged) but instead they just loved on each other for a few minutes. It gives me hope…x

    • Young Mummy

      How lovely! Only last night, Ez and Fonz had a really lovely cuddle with each other – it definitely makes the more stressful moments melt into the background.

  • Oh I just can’t wait for this interaction! Reading your blog is giving me hope x x x

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