Twin game favourites

The Game of

LAP ATTACK
Copyright Heather Young 2011

BRIEF IDEA OF THE GAME
The idea of the Game is to gain CONTROL of the general area known as MUMMY’S LAP, so that one player can be considered the rightful owner of said space, and EVICT any SQUATTER legitimately. The OBJECT of claiming this territory as yours is that it should enable you to elicit greater ATTENTION from THE MUMMY than your twin sibling receives, and so NEGATES THE NEED to SHARE.

EQUIPMENT
LAP ATTACK equipment consists of the empty LAP, or alternatively TWO ARMS in the event that THE MUMMY may be standing up. There are two TODDLERS of different designs, to be used as playing pieces.

PREPARATION
Ideally ensure the LAP is placed on the sofa, in a reclining position. A corner location is preferred, so that entry to the LAP is only possible via a single direction (making defence tactics easier). Each player has a limited time in which to claim MUMMY’S LAP, and the game’s duration is usually determined by the length of the CBEEBIES programme being watched (Common programmes include: Charlie & Lola {10 minutes}; 64 Zoo Lane {10 minutes}; In The Night Garden {15 minutes}).

TO START THE GAME
The closest TODDLER to MUMMY’S LAP my commence the game as soon as THE MUMMY has sat down. He/she makes his advance and sits down to watch CBEEBIES. As soon as TODDLER ONE appears comfortable, TODDLER TWO may begin their assault. TODDLER ONE may defend their position in the following ways: Whip round to envelop THE MUMMY in a BEAR HUG and hold on with a vice-like grip,whilst spreading out their limbs in a star shape to cover as much area as possible; Let out a PIERCING SHRIEK to warn TODDLER TWO to retreat; If retreat isn’t imminent, a hard SLAP to the head of TODDLER TWO may be dealt; If the SLAP is not effective, GRAB a handful of hair and pull, hard; While still holding the handful of hair, attempt to plant a strong KICK to the body of TODDLER TWO in order to dislodge them.

In the course of the game, the player in possession of MUMMY’S LAP will change several times. The game is over when a player has either admitted defeat and retreated to DADDY’S LAP, or MUMMY’S LAP is removed altogether and both players are sent to SIMMER DOWN.

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