The Game of
LAP ATTACK
Copyright Heather Young 2011
BRIEF IDEA OF THE GAME
The idea of the Game is to gain CONTROL of the general area known as MUMMY’S LAP, so that one player can be considered the rightful owner of said space, and EVICT any SQUATTER legitimately. The OBJECT of claiming this territory as yours is that it should enable you to elicit greater ATTENTION from THE MUMMY than your twin sibling receives, and so NEGATES THE NEED to SHARE.
EQUIPMENT
LAP ATTACK equipment consists of the empty LAP, or alternatively TWO ARMS in the event that THE MUMMY may be standing up. There are two TODDLERS of different designs, to be used as playing pieces.
PREPARATION
Ideally ensure the LAP is placed on the sofa, in a reclining position. A corner location is preferred, so that entry to the LAP is only possible via a single direction (making defence tactics easier). Each player has a limited time in which to claim MUMMY’S LAP, and the game’s duration is usually determined by the length of the CBEEBIES programme being watched (Common programmes include: Charlie & Lola {10 minutes}; 64 Zoo Lane {10 minutes}; In The Night Garden {15 minutes}).
TO START THE GAME
The closest TODDLER to MUMMY’S LAP my commence the game as soon as THE MUMMY has sat down. He/she makes his advance and sits down to watch CBEEBIES. As soon as TODDLER ONE appears comfortable, TODDLER TWO may begin their assault. TODDLER ONE may defend their position in the following ways: Whip round to envelop THE MUMMY in a BEAR HUG and hold on with a vice-like grip,whilst spreading out their limbs in a star shape to cover as much area as possible; Let out a PIERCING SHRIEK to warn TODDLER TWO to retreat; If retreat isn’t imminent, a hard SLAP to the head of TODDLER TWO may be dealt; If the SLAP is not effective, GRAB a handful of hair and pull, hard; While still holding the handful of hair, attempt to plant a strong KICK to the body of TODDLER TWO in order to dislodge them.
In the course of the game, the player in possession of MUMMY’S LAP will change several times. The game is over when a player has either admitted defeat and retreated to DADDY’S LAP, or MUMMY’S LAP is removed altogether and both players are sent to SIMMER DOWN.
Ah you should have mentioned this yesterday, they could have had a 3 player game!
Four player. We’d have to include Kate to be fair…
This post made me laugh so much! Thank you for sharing (so true!)
I aim to please! x
This really made me laugh, I hope when my one becomes two I can avoid them finding out about this!
Keep them away from any twins. They’re bad news, those twins you know…!!
Yup that’s a favourite of my Irish twins too!
It’s got global appeal. I’m going to be a millionaire.
Hahaha
I love this post!
Thanks!
Was thinking of this today and realised that I wish Piran would want to sit on my lap to watch tv. He usually runs away when I suggest it!
It’s so funny how different they all are. Hopefully that means Kate will be able to claim your lap as all her own. x
Ha ha! I just saw your tweet about reading this, and was most amused at the subject matter – my friend called me fron the pub half an hour ago to say his wife is pregnant with twins, so it was very topical.
I’ll refer them to your blog, once their panic dies down..!
Oh blimey – make sure they don’t read my posts from a year or so ago!
Ha ha, sounds like fun! We have a similar game where they fight for who gets to sit next to the baby…..
We obviously make fighting far too much fun
This is hilariously funny. It occurred to me that the ‘brief idea of the game’ could be rewritten (only slightly) to describe the game of VOTE FOR ME. You will need one election, two or more candidates (the playing pieces) a constituency… I’ll leave you to finish – I’m sure you could. It’s really just the same game, for older children. And like the original version (above) it happens in REAL LIFE.
Inspired.
Hello from Barcelona!
Lap attack is also the favourite game for Catalan twins
Great post, real fun. I think we (parent twins) need an ironic and funny way of facing our life.
btw, I’d love to invite you all to have a look at my blog THE TWIN INVASION (English version coming soon!). By now you can try here…
http://lainvasiotwin.blogspot.com
Thanks! Hope to keep in touch!
Bienvenido! Unfortunately my Spanish is not good enough to read your blog at the moment, but I can’t wait to see the English version. Please let me know when it’s ready.
I’m glad that Lap Attack has international appeal.
Oh we’re in for a world of fun aren’t we?
I like this. You’re funny (haha, not weird.)
Such fun!
Hee hee – great post. We hope all these great comments cheer you up a bit because your post has started our day with a giggle..! We might have a game of Lap Attack later at Chocolate Towers..
The great comments have definitely brightened my day. Good luck with Lap Attack – hope there are no serious battle wounds.
dont forget about the biting…..
not a good game unless someone gets a nice bit of flesh in their teeth!
x
Bugger. Knew I’d forgotten something Really Important. x
I’ve just found out I am expecting twins. YIKES. Stumbled across your blog and this post is the first one to make me feel like it could be a whole lot of fun and not just bloody scary… thankyou!