Remembering

There has been too much sadness recently. Too many people I know have been touched by death. A mother, a two and half year old twin, a baby girl. I know that there have been good things happen too, the poignancy of an old friend taking her premature baby home after 246 days in hospital the day after an online friend lost her baby at nine months hasn’t passed me by, but I am haunted by the grief of the tragic loss of life and that terror of losing my own child. That fear that keeps you awake at night and sees you creeping in to check your child is still sleeping peacefully.

When you hear of these personal tragedies it acts as a reminder to treasure every single second with your children. To commit all those little moments and milestones to memory. To try to hold them in your mind as crystal clear as the day they happened. Not to let them get lost in the chaos of everyday life where impatience and hurry rule your day.

As well as trying to relish the moments I’ve been wondering if there’s anything else I could be doing to remember my kids’ childhood. I never went in for scrapbooks. Their baby books were largely untouched. My memory is famously terrible.

Photographs are one way to record these moments, and I have thousands upon thousands of them. A day without me taking any photographs is rare, and I know my family would probably complain I’m behind the camera too much. Granted all these pictures aren’t wonderfully catalogued but I have them and they could be organised if I wanted to sit down and do it. It doesn’t stop me looking at them, being taken back to when they were taken. Transported to a certain place in time.

What I do know is that if every parent’s worst nightmare happened and I lost a child, one thing I’d regret is not having enough video footage of my kids. There’s nothing like being able to see and hear your child. I want to be document the funny way they pronounce words (like the way Ez says “final grater” when she means “finely grated cheese”) in a way that’s more immediate than just writing it down. I want to see how they walk, their toddler dancing, how they interact with each other.

This year I’ve been taking part in the 52 Project, taking a photograph of each of my children and publishing them once a week for a year.

But I also want to prompt myself to take some video footage of the twins every week. It doesnt have to be long. They can be aware of the camera, or I could be filming them as they play, oblivious to what I’m doing. I want to collect priceless glimpses into their lives and personalities over the course of this year.

And so I’ll come here every Monday to share my movie. And I’ll give it a wonderfully creative title like Movie Monday. I considered making it a linky but I’m not sure linkys are really my thing. I’d love to see your own Monday Movies though, so if you do post one, please do head over here to leave me a comment so I can watch yours too.

I’ll be back later to post today’s video.

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